A few (hopefully) inspiring words

Here are a few poems I wrote a few years ago. I hope you will read them and be encouraged; encouraged to write, love, and to encourage others.

A Promise

Tossed about in the ocean waves,

Back and forth for what seems like days.

The current leading far from shore,

There is no ceiling, no walls and no floor.

Treading and swimming against the tide,

Many have struggled and many have died.

Reaching out for a line, but none to be found.

Refusing to be another person who’s drown.

But exhaustion sets in, and watery breaths

Are all that are here in Depression’s great depths.

None can hope to fight the inevitable end

Without the help of a loving, caring friend.

 

So I reach out to help in your time of need,

And promise to keep forever this solid, solemn creed.

That whenever you fall, no matter how far

My door is  always open, always is ajar.

My ear’s always listening for your cries in the dark

And that sound will always pull the strings of my heart.

My arms are always ready for a loving, strong embrace,

To keep you close to my heart, where you’ll never doubt you’re safe.

My eyes will weep as yours weep, even when you haven’t the tears.

I will not falter or fail you, through distance or the years.

Together we will laugh and cry until all your days have past.

For then you will be with Me in this place that forever lasts.

 

 

Pilgrimage

In my lust for life I’ve found heartache, pain and strife.

I traveled far from home. It seems like years I roamed.

Crisscrossing the Cosmos with my coven of convenience,

All the while just longing for a transcendent experience.

Searching for that something to make me finally feel whole.

I exposed the weakness of my body, mind and soul.

Then You came along and helped me see the error of my plan

Because it had been devised by me, a simple mortal man.

No blueprint can be perfect, when the architect is flawed.

That is why I’m pleased that my house was built by God.

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Finding Home in the Dark: A Fiber of Fine Light.

This is a lesson that I wish I had taken to heart years ago. If I had faced certain pains then, I could have saved myself a lot more.

J.S. Park

The hard part is that when you decide not to call on lesser idols to numb your hurt and you finally reach out to God, suddenly you’re inside the pain. It’s all there. You can’t do anything to hide it anymore. It seems like a terrible idea.

One of the toughest things about excruciating pain is that it’s embarrassing. There’s a humiliating stench of astonishment that this is happening to me. It’s malheur, or a pain about your pain. If you live with it long enough, you’ll begin to identify yourself by your hurt, as if this is your only value. It’s understandable, because it takes up so much space in your mind. It’s no wonder why we’re tempted to run to everything else.

The pain is blinding. But — blinding ourselves to the pain is even worse. In doing so, we erase ourselves down to the bottom.

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It’s a beautiful morning!

I have the day off today. I have the house to myself. I do have some errands to run, but in all, it should be a nice relaxing day to enjoy this 60° Florida winter weather. I hope that all of you have a great day and find your voice.

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This is my little Leia in her hippie gear. She and Meredith teach me so much about life and how to keep going when I am tired and beaten. My wife and children have grounded me and helped me to recognize the truly important things in life.

I think that we all struggle against greed and envious thought processes everyday. As parents we want the best for our children. I think that’s great, until we start competing against each other and judging other parents for their choices. There is no “one size fits all” solution for parenting any more than any other human interaction.

So the next time you see that parent struggling to maintain their sanity and their child’s behavior, don’t judge. Someone may have looked at you that way earlier.

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Wow.

So yesterday I was asked by my GM to come and talk to him before I left for the day. I was a little nervous since I was pretty sure that I had displayed some discontent outwardly the previous day.

An hour later another manager approaches me to tell me that he, my GM, and another manager would like to speak with me before I leave for the day. OK, now a conference? I asked if everything was okay and he said that it was, and that I would like what they had to say.

Still, I was a little nervous. What someone else could consider good could be something else to me. I started replaying everything from that day and the previous one in my head.

Come the end of the day I walked into the office, took a position against the wall (their office isn’t made to have four grown men in it), and awaited my fate.

“OK, what’s with all the secrecy guys?”

It was then explained to me that I would be receiving an immediate 15% raise, with another 10% possible in 60 days pending a second review at that time. I am being asked to take on some additional responsibilities, but that is actually welcome.

I prayed and asked for a sign of whether or not I was where I needed to be for now, and I have received my answer loud and clear. I encourage everyone to be critical thinkers and to decide things for themselves without being hurtful or disrespectful towards others. But for me, I have to say that I feel watched over and loved.

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Waiting

I have been inquiring at my job about any possible opportunities to increase my earnings. I have been in the food business for twenty years. I have always been in casual, upscale, or fine dining service, with no QSR experience.

Ten years ago I was making 40k in Restaurant Management, and now I make $8.25/hr plus tips that average out at about another two dollars an hour while working for a nationally recognized BBQ brand, based here in Orlando. I would happily go into management for them, and would be welcomed, if not for my “limited” availability of 5am-5pm, M-F.

I want to use my culinary experience to help grow this brand and expand/improve our menu. I didn’t mind taking the excruciatingly low pay to get in the door, but now it’s time for another door to open, or I will be moving on.

There are a few outside opportunities that have already presented themselves. So, how long do I give them to step up and decide?

I don’t have the answer to that. So today I will enjoy the day off with my wife and Leia as we go to Epcot for some family fun. Maybe some time not thinking about it will help me gain some more clarity.

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Scary stuff….

I am doing somethings in my life right now that are terrifying. I am attempting to change my body, mind, and soul all at the same time.

Inspired by Lent, but not limiting myself to 40 days, I am eating better and exercising more. I am forcing myself to read more and learn more everyday. And I have decided to give up being an agnostic, and jump into faith (not denominational religion).

I feel like I needed to change. I am 40 years old and the heaviest I have been at 265. That is unhealthy. I feel stagnant in my mind and watching Leia learn so much made want to be amazed at things again. And having grown up with faith in my heart, I felt I was missing something.

So I am undertaking my largest and most ambitious attempt at chasing who I once was, and who I want to be, that I have done since Basic Training.

This blog has been so neglected. It is a  beautiful tool at my disposal that I neglected in favor of a Tumblr where I only reblogged other people’s work. I change slowly. But sometimes an event needs to happen to give evolution a kick in the ass.

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It’s been almost a year.

Wow. My laziness and lack of motivation to cultivate this blog has just smacked me in the face with a brick. For a guy who wants to write and be creative, I have done a piss poor job of self motivation to realize my dream. I could blame a lot of factors. But the truth is that I expected instantaneous results. I expected the skies to part and for inspiration to take me by the hand and write my blog for me. Well, that obviously isn’t going to happen, so I am pretty sure that the only recourse is to either shut the blog down, which is giving up and admitting defeat by my own hands; or to force myself to write.

I have a childhood friend, David, who is, as I write this pittance, closing on the end of a personal challenge to write 50,000 words for his novel. Oh wait, I forgot to mention that he has challenged himself to do this in FIVE DAYS! So far, he is doing excellent.

Fun fact about me: I have big dreams and big ideas with little follow through. I become caught up in the possible futures of my ideas and forget to plant them. I neglect to cultivate, care for and prune them to make them healthy and whole. Then, I find a way to blame something other than my own fear. Fear of obstacles that I can’t overcome, that I have yet to even encounter. Fear of failure and sometimes fear of success. This should be my place of refuge.

This isn’t Facebook where family and friends feel somehow obligated to friend you and are forced to see your posts. The only people reading this are people who choose to read it. Maybe that’s why I preferred the title of Facebook’s ill fated predecessor, MySpace. This is my space.

You don’t have to like what I write, comment on it, or even read it. Coming into my space is completely voluntary and although I invite people to come into my space and take something of me through my ramblings, I also invite you to leave if you wish. I invite you to dislike and disagree with me. Without outside opinion and knowledge we cease to grow and learn. Without outside perspective we get caught up in our own worlds and forget to be empathetic, intelligent beings. So I always invite intelligent discourse, but teach me, not preach at me. Maybe along the way we can influence each other’s ideas and all grow.

I have a few contentious topics about which I will soon share my thoughts, after they are gathered. But that, is for another time.

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